I've been on and off of this blogging thing ever since I got started. I would mostly have down times instead of being consistent. I'd always go back only whenever I feel the need to set out some important thoughts that I've gathered in the past minutes/hours/days/months.

RANDOM THOUGHTS:

Trusting is now an issue for me. Whenever someone tells me about a betrayal situation, I'd always be the first one to blurt out that 'you never know who you can trust." I've been hearing myself say that more often these days. Before, I'd say that man is ultimately good. I still believe it. But now, I can't say it out loud. I can only say it in my mind, without as much conviction as before. I think, now, to me, everyone has a hidden agenda.

I've stopped my diet for the last 3-4 weeks. I started to slack off in the first 2 weeks, and declared my last 2 weeks as a diet break. I have a wedding to attend on the first week of December, and here I am, eating my chicken macaroni salad for breakfast, along with a big bag of sour cream and onion cheese curlz. Talk about making up for lost time. I've lost the drive. I need to be motivated. How?

As of now, I'm settled with what I am doing at work: taking responsibility that I'm not getting paid for. I realized that this has given me more life than anything else that I've been doing for the past 3 months. Yes, it does suck. But I need a f*cking challenge. Training classes just doesn't cut it anymore. I wish there was something else that would make me feel more alive. Like maybe a love life?

But I don't think I'm ready to handle it. Yet. I don't know. Surprise me, Life.

Only 1 week more to go until the end of my 2nd month of dieting.

On my 1st month, I was able to lose about 10 lbs; not that it was noticeable, but it was a fairly good accomplishment on my end. The 10 lbs. was lost due to pure dieting - no exercise. I think I lost a few inches around my midsection. This is the reason why I am plateau-ing on my 2nd month. I have not been exercising.

Being active at night due to a call center job makes me lazy to exercise in the morning (or at least to get up before I'm supposed to). I would really rather watch TV or go to sleep/continue sleeping as opposed to getting my blood pumped up by exercising. The sad fact is that, if I really want to start losing some more weight on my third month, I know that I would have to start moving. Haaaay.

I think that for my third month, I will start walking. Or dancing? I don't know!

Let you know once I decide! :D

...

Work. Do not get me wrong. I think that I am good at my job. A lot of my workmates seem to think so too. Some have tried to encourage me to try my wings and apply for a higher post. What people do not understand is that I'm just happy doing what I do. What DO I do? A couple of months ago when Mah (my previous supervisor) was still here, I used to help her out especially with team tasks. When she left, I was tasked to hold the team together and make sure that everyone performs. I think I was able to do the job, more or less. However, I can't take that role on forever, so I passed the hat to the person that I trained to take my place. So far, so good! 'Nay is doing great. I must admit that I felt a bit lost on the initial week's transition, but since I have been handling classes recently, I'm feeling my way back into the old role. I like going to work and being accountable for several things, but not all of them. With this kind of arrangement, I am able to go home early and not worry about the entire team all the time. At some point, I felt tired and abused by it all. Now is a good time to relax. I just wish that people would get it and stay away from me...for the meantime.

Love. Everyday is a good day to love. Apart from the warm feeling that you get inside whenever you do an act of love, it gives you a sense of peace and completeness. Loving may be expressed in the smallest ways - from petting the dog to letting another driver pass, hugging your family members and forgiving someone who has done you wrong. I don't feel that I have lost a day if I was able to at least "spread the love" once in the day.

Goals. I strongly believe that having a goal - any goal - is the best way to put direction into a life. Direction is the only thing that keeps us going, no matter how big or small. I have several goals of varying degrees. Some have timelines, some I plan to achieve at some point in the far flung future. One goal that I am currently working on is losing weight. I've always thought that I'd get around to doing it sometime but due to health concerns, I've had to get on it immediately. Fortunately, it's not something that I despise or have difficutly doing since I've done it before. The only difference is that this time, I'm sticking to it until I achieve my desired weight/size. Also, it is not a crash diet, like the one that I wrote about last time. (When I read that entry, I realized that I must have been crazy to do that. However, I felt proud of myself for the self-control that I exercised.) Of course my main reason for doing it is for my health, however I cannot deny that it will be easier to buy clothes when I drop those pounds. I am sure to not back down from this challenge. Another goal that I have is to get my sister out of the country by next year. She is currently waiting for her testing permit for NCLEX, afterwhich she will start reviewing for the test. There are still a lot of steps to be made before we can finally send her off to the US, but again this is something that I am prioritizing.

Yep, I think this is about it. I have so much to be thankful for and still so much to do! I am glad that I have one more year to make use of myself.

Farewell to my friends,
thought I'd leave you all behind me.
My time is runnin and
I'm about to lose my mind again.
Now and then, I tremble all over
but I will carry the load upon my shoulder,
but I know this would all be over
as soon as I open my eyes.
Is it loneliness? maybe emptiness? maybe melancholy.
Have a piece of this.
Now I see the sunlight shining through
there's no reason to be blue,
but, now I know I'm going down,
I look all around me and
laugh like a clown/no I won't frown.
Can anybody help me when I'm down?
and anybody since I'm just a clown,
but now I know love will stick around
coz I've been lost and found.

Two weekends ago, I was going through the DVD stalls in BF Ruins, lloking for a new series to get engrossed in. This is, of course, while waiting for the complete third season of Grey's Anatomy to come out. Hehe I bought season 3 with only episodes 1 through 10. I wasn't happy...bitin! So I've decided to wait instead.

My sister and I went to our suki last, and bought 3 DVDs only. Our suki was bothered. She asked us why we weren't buying as much as we used to; we said that there's nothing else that's taking our interest. She reached through a bunch of crabby-looking DVDs at the far end of her store and handed us HEROES. I read the back and found it interesting! At last! Something new!

Heroes is about several individuals who discover that they're unique. One cheerleader discovered that she's invincible; a police officer found out that he can read minds; an office clerk is convinced that he can stop time through sheer will power. These are just some of the personalities and "talents" featured in Heroes. What's interesting is their journey as they discover these powers and how they are all linked to each other.

The CD that I bought only had episodes 1 to 17. I am sooo looking forward to watching the rest of the season!

I've started reading "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren a few weeks ago; this book was given to me by my best friend as a Christmas gift.

I put off reading this book, even though I've heard great reviews about it for fear of becoming too inspired that I might have to actually take on what's being suggested by the author. Maybe there are still some things that I would like to do that are not exactly above moral reproach.

Isn't it that the ultimate goal to live life to the brim is to try everything once? Well, see, the truth is, I'm not even at the tip of the iceberg yet in trying what's being offered my the Fates.

The book offers great wisdom regarding existence, human purpose and eternity. It's a great read, which is something that self-help books are usually not. The advice of the author is to read one chapter a day so that the reader can take the entire day to internalize what is being taught. There seems to be a natural and gentle progression from one chapter to the next. I can say that at this point, I do not feel threatened by the book...yet.

So there. I'm taking my time reading it...trying not to take it too seriously. I might put in my own two-cents on the chapters that hit me hard.

It's the weekend!

My plans:

1. Go on a DVD marathon: I want to watch HEROES again. It's a great series but I've watched all episodes throughout the week half awake. I suppose I could appreciate it more by giving it enough attention. Hee-hee!

2. Buy more DVDs: I'm planning a trip to BF Ruins with my sister to get more stash - at least 4 movies. Can you believe that I've actually set a weekly budget for DVDs?

3. Look for my diet booklet - I had this food list that I got from the Makati Med diabetes clinic. It's a list of all the food you're allowed to eat plus how many servings you can eat of each food group per meal per day. *sigh* I plan to start my diet in two weeks. IT'S TIME.

4. Get some sleep - My body has been going crazy from lack of sleep this week. I think I need to give my body its well-deserved rest.

5. Cook - I ALMOST never cook anymore!

That's it! Happy weekend!

Sometime in December 2006, a former colleague called me up and offered me a job.  We talked a few times during the night and within my shift, and informally accepted his offer.  The following weekend, I went to the office and had a look around, getting a feel of my future office.  I liked it.  It wasn't a big company; it was a start-up for 250 heads.  The office was small and cozy.  I liked the plans that were laid out.  I couldn't wait to start.  They told me to wait around 2 weeks to sign my contract.  I was so ready that I started working on my structure and materials even if I wasn't employed yet.

Come January, I was informed that the financer backed out.  Turned out that the financer could not finance the business.  Tough luck.  I said let me know if there are any breaks with the account; I'd be glad to work with you.  A few weeks after, I was given a heads up that the office might be in Baguio.  Of course I hesitated, but I was willing to consider it.  What to do, what to do.  I kept my options open and told me friend to let me know once it's finalized.

By February, I got another text message from my friend asking for my materials so that I could be signed up for the company.  I was lost.  Is this the one in Baguio?  No, it's in Ortigas!  I went - what?!  Apparently, the first financer was able to get something or someone to support the business.  After 1 day of thinking, I texted my friend asking for timelines as to when they'll need the materials SO THAT he could already sign me up.  I didn't get a reply.  I called his phone; no one picked up.  I logged on to MSN messenger and pinged him; after a minute, he went offline.  This happened twice.  Clearly, something was afoot.

My Concerns:

1.  I was hesitant to send my materials over BEFORE they signed me up.  Why?  Security.  Once they had my materials, who's to stop them from using it without them actually signing me up?  It HAD to be a package deal.

2.  Why hide or avoid me?  Sure, I was waiting for the break for a long time, but it doesn't give me a right to go after them/him for not giving it to me now that it's here.  A business is a business is a business.  Maybe they found someone who they could better afford and who willingly surrendered his/her materials without a contract.  Who am I to take it against them.  I lost nothing.  Even when I was waiting for this break, I was still looking out for others.

It's just sad.

Health.    I've been under the weather for almost 2 weeks now.  Cough and colds got me.  I've been spewing phlegm day and night; there was one night when I didn't get any sleep simply because I was too BUSY coughing away my lungs and my back and my ribs, which are, by the way, hurting like SHITzu (yeah, don't worry, I know the correct spelling) because of the intensity of my coughing fits.  The coughing fits are down now, but my voice is gone.  Literally.  I sound like a sea otter whenever I talk.  No kidding.  Salabat, you  say?  No can do.  I'm still coughing.  If I take salabat, it will only make my throat itch and wil encourage more coughing.

Career.    My current job is the same.  B-O-R-I-N-G.  It's true when they said that I used to do my job with gusto, but that was when they haven't taken my dream away yet.  I still give it my best shot, but then again, my best shot for this isn't really the bestest of the best...if you know what I mean.  I was supposed to have an interview this afternoon but had to cancel since, yeah, my voice is on vacation and will not be back until later this week (I think...and I hope).  So.  I've rescheduled my interview to Friday night; hopefully, my voice will have decided to come back by then so I can get this over and done with.  I also received an email that a company is requesting for a copy of my resume.  I sent it!  I'm praying to high heavens that they call me ASAP.  I CANNOT WAIT to get out of here.

Hobbies.   DVDs...DVDs...DVDs.  Yes, I am addicted.  I go to BF Ruins every weekend to scout for 50-peso pirated DVDs.  I also go on 4-6 DVD marathons during weekends.  My life will never be the same without my DVDs!  Cooking -- yes, I love cooking.  I am bored with the usual adobo, afritada, prito, nilaga.  If I am known to you, personally, and I say that I don't feel like eating whenever ate cooks fried chicken or fried liempo, I know you'll be surprised.

Family.   I loooooove my mom and my sister.  My sister (bebe) is the ultimate comedian.  My relatives from my mom's side is ok.  I hate those from my father's side.  What father's side relatives?  Hee-hee

The future.   I'm going to the States....eventually.  Give or take 3 years.  For the meantime, let me chronicle my life (or at least, some parts of it) and share it to those who would care to read and be inspired/informed/irritated at the daily confirmations that we are all exactly who we are meant to be.